FIrst day of classes ( the reprise)

So yesterday I actually started college. I had my classes and to be quite frank I was intimidated. The just entire difference from the ways of high school astounded me. But I know I can handle it.

I have been very busy after move in and feel bad that i have been away not talking or posting, but with homework and all the new people, life is a little crazy. I still have time for a few things now and again, so if you need to talk please comment on something and I will get back too you. Or if you are one of those people who has my number (JACK) text me cause I will always answer you.

Well off to shower and breakfast before History 100 and Math 108.
Peace and Love

First Night

Anyone who has gone through a first something knows the feeling. The not knowing what to do, or where to go, or even who to do it with.

Lets be clear. The first night of college is not any different. Luckily I get along well with one of my roommates, while with the other one I'm not sure what type of relationship we have.

It's nice tho, college is really fun; once the parents leave there is a different type of atmosphere here. Some parts of it are fun an exciting when the people you are with have grown up past high school, in a way that the roommate I don't know how to feel about has proven in one night that he has not.

Besides all the great adventures that lay ahead I think about people that are important too me, and I think for the time being that matters far more than 3 to 4 shots. ( yes this is about a boy who is very special too me). I saw people drunk hooking up and i realized that HE is more important than Mr. Right-now, cause he may be the Mr. Right.
So Im up with 4 hours of sleep I think I need a shower and coffee....
Peace

Update

Talked to Jack this morning. It was very brief because he was not feeling well due to his new medication. As Peter mentioned on Jack's blog I will also be updating everyone on how Jack is doing. Peter and i have to learn to share a bit and think we are making great strides towards that, and being surprisingly friendly. Jack will be coming back at some point and i think Peter knows that better than I do. If anyone has any concerns for Jack or wants to wish him well, you can ask Peter or myself to pass your wishes along. Jack does need time to focus on himself and coming to terms with whatever all of the things that plagued him are. This will take time and energy from him, as well as his friends and close loved ones. That being said understand there are things he does not want to think about now. He has to find himself again and I will speak for myself but I plan to be there for him the whole way.

And a side note to Peter----- Thank you. You have been nice to me when you did not have to. You have helped me a lot though this and I'm glad that Jack has a person who, though you are slightly crazy (part of why I like you) your a warm and caring person. I think out of all this I am glad Jack is safe and that I made a good friend to say the very least.

And a side note to the older men who have been helping me----- i did not forget you all and i thank you for your support and kind words.

Well back to packing
Love to all <3

Starting Over

To everyone who has been reading, sorry for all the depressing reflectiveness of my Blog thus far. I do like introspective works and will be trying to use this as a way of taking a third person look on my life; if any of it applies to you and helps please feel free to comment. I would love to know. Anyway:

Life has a way of opening and closing. There are so many endings in life, so many goodbyes, so many tears over what we are losing.

The thing is tho is that as we mover forward we always get new hellos. I know this sounds very corny and over used, but it does fit now. Im leaving for college in a few days, and it makes me sad to be leaving my family.
But I know new adventures wait for me at college, and my family is not really a permanent good bye its more temporary.
So as I lean forward, I try to look back.

"Friendship is a pretty full-time occupation if you really are friendly with somebody. You can't have too many friends because then you're just not really friends." 
Truman Capote 

False hope

Sorry to make it short but nothing else to say the title says it all.

"turn the Ashes into Flames"

Life has away of knocking all of us down. Putting challenges and obstacles in our path that, sometimes we are not meant to over come. Now, I'm  not saying that we were put on this world to fail and be miserable the whole time; no what I mean is, that in our darkest hour we can find the brightest light.

Most people who read this are well informed on the situation that has been apart of many of our lives for the past few days. For those who don't, someone I really care about, and would even say I love tried and failed to commit suicide. Out of this horrible incident, somehow I have managed new hope, have found that silver lining. 

These past few days have been some of the worst in my life, this ranks up there right beside the death of my best friends mother, and the depression I had when my dogs of 12 years died. Both of those things caused me to go into a depression, but in the end I came out. I recovered. I know many of you probably feel the sadness and the confusion, but trust me there is always light at the end of the tunnel. The darker it is the brighter the light. 

Hope these videos help you see the light, or guide you too it.

To lose before even had

To hold a burden bigger than yourself for 2 months is trying at the easiest of times. To then know that all the heartache and crying and screaming was only going to get worse now does not ease the pain. That is where I am, stuck in love with someone, someone who you had to know from the beginning was going to try to leave in the most final of ways, and then when your hopes have been answered, those sweet prayers and countless hours of worrying and crying seem to have paid off, you lose them. Not in that final way like before, but in a way that hurts, in some ways just as much if not more. Being gone in a final way allows the recovery process to begin, but this new hurt could/very well will turn into a constant knife in the heart. Causing the shortness of breath, the lump in your throat, the head aches, the crying yourself to sleep every night because you not only went through months of pure torture with no way out and being absolutely powerless, to being in a similar predicament....lets be frank it sucks balls. When you love someone you should just want their happiness, or at least i have always tried to do that, but why should love be that much a one way street. Why should i always put myself, my feelings, my heartache last. I have no clue what will happen, but things do not look like they are going to go my way, so now we start a new chapter, i hope it surprises me in a good way, but i highly doubt it will, so it will be more countless nights of crying ahead, but there is no turning back I have to go forward, no running away