You know that feeling you get when u feel like u have been pushed to the edge but yanked back all of a sudden. Well I did not until today, and unfortunately I think I have whiplash.
Maybe thats why my head is pounding and has been all day, or maybe it was the crying myself to sleep, or the waking up and seeing the world in grey and black.
Either way my head is hurting.
Why does life go up and down like a roller coaster I mean the ups are great but the drops suck. Also I fee like there should only be so low your allowed to go, because I found a new low last night. The roller coaster i was on for the past to months had its biggest drop ever last night, and i seriously thought i would crash and burn....
And for awhile I did. I crashed my eyes pouring tears that stung my face; I felt like the breath had been kicked out of me and I was being smothered and prevented from breathing in.
Thats what loss feels like that idea that its gone forever and never coming back.
The worst part was not the loss itself...no it was the not knowing. Not knowing if he was gone. Not knowing if he would come back, if i could make him smile again, see his cute sweet face smile at me. The not knowing is what kills you.
The googling his name and looking through the papers to feel if he had been found or if there was news at all.
I think that is what hurts people the most a loss you can work through, but with the little bit of hope, the sliver of a chance is what we cling to as humans, and undoubtedly that is what hurts us more than anything else, our ability to hope and believe in something against all odds. When that hope is dashed we crash worse than anything.
Thank GOD my hope was not dashed and I was pulled upward again on this crazy ride
We're all on this damn roller coaster together, Brad. I spent several hours this morning crying, too, until I finally realized I could contact his mother via Facebook. Thank goodness she got online and replied, I don't know if I'd been in any shape to think about FB at a time like this.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, love to get to know you a little better, hopefully the excitement will die down a bit, and we can have a proper intro. Planning on sticking around the blogging world? It's been a great place for me, and lots of others. The friendships and community here is pretty awesome. I'm guessing you're from the same region I am, the South. (Don't reveal anything you don't want to, I'm not fishing here, just making conversation because it's better than dwelling on what happened with Jack.)
If you want to chat, you can catch me on MSN as jaygeemmm@hotmail.com, email is jaygeemmm@gmail.com.
Peace <3
Jay